Sheryl hasn't opened her phone since yesterday.
Day 1.
Her Instagram, her Messenger, her TikTok — all logged out. The phone was face-down on her table like it was something that could bite.
Am I a coward? Yes. Yes, I am. I don't deny that. I accept that fully.
She was scared of two things at the same time.
Scared to open it and see a message from him that would say, _"Let's stop this."_
And even more scared to open it and see... nothing. No message at all. Because that would shatter her more. That would mean her absence didn't even matter. That her silence didn't create a single ripple.
"I'm just a placeholder," she whispered to her empty room.
Then she corrected herself. "Oh, scratch that. My bad. I've never even been a placeholder. Because I was never a girlfriend or anything."
She was just someone he flirted with from morning to dawn. Video calls during work. After work. During meals. Even late at night. 12 AM, 1 AM, 2 AM.
And he? He was someone she broke her clock for.
"I used to wake up at 5 and sleep at 8 or 9," she told her best friend on call last week. "Remember how tita-like I was?"
Now? She still wakes up at 5, but 12 AM onwards became her new normal. Waiting. Laughing. Falling.
"Was it worth it?" her friend asked.
Sheryl didn't know. She just felt happy and ecstatic at that time. Like a stupid moth in the fire. She knew it would burn her sooner or later, but she still flew straight into it.
---
Lexus texted at 11:47 PM last night. She saw the notification flash before she turned off her data.
Lexus: "Sheryl? You still up?"
She didn't open it. That was the start of Day 1. Letting her coward self take over the driver's seat.
In her head, the conversation she was too afraid to have kept playing:
Lexus: "Why did you disappear? I thought we were okay."
Sheryl: "We were never okay, Lexus. We were just... convenient. For you."
Lexus: "What are you talking about?"
Sheryl: "You left our hometown to follow her in the capital. It was very obvious from the very start, Lexus. I just pretended not to see it."
Lexus: "Sheryl, it's complicated."
Sheryl: "No, it's not. You love her. You always did. I was just someone you flirted with while you were waiting. Someone to fill the hours. And I let you, because I liked how you made me feel awake."
Silence.
Lexus: "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Sheryl: "I know. And I still wish you all the best. I wish you win her back. Truly and honestly. No bitterness. You deserve to be happy, even if it's not with me."
Lexus: "So this is goodbye?"
Sheryl: "This is me grieving. Let me grieve for my own pitiful heart first. The little girl in me is hurt again, and right now I'm in my protective side. So if I don't reply for a while... it's not because I hate you. It's because I'm a coward. And for once, I'm letting my cowardice protect me."
She turned her phone off completely.
Day 1 was the hardest. Day 2 will be harder. But maybe by Day 30, the moth will finally learn to stay away from the fire.
And still — in the smallest, most honest part of her heart — she whispered,
"Take care, Lexus. I really do wish you well."
